Asher

"And Leah said, 'How happy I am! The women will call me happy!' So she named him Asher." Gen. 30:13

Kris is the one who suggested we name him Asher. I didn't love it immediately. Mainly because it was his idea and I thought the naming of the children should be my role. But something about it resonated with me. And when I learned it meant "happy" I was sold. As long as he would let me use Owen as his middle name because I just loved that name and because all good Reformed Presbyterians name their first born either Owen or Knox or Calvin.

So Asher Owen it was and I cannot think of a name meaning that would suit him better. He is a happy little guy indeed. And on Monday, he will be four.

And I feel the tug-of-war...pulling me into memories of my sweet little baby in one direction and into excited anticipation of all that lies before him as he continues to discover this wonderful, absurd world God has made. I gaze back into the past longing for those early days of simplicity and newness but then I am quickly jerked the other way, and am filled with joy as I watch him explore and learn and become. Happy-sad I am. Being a mom is to learn to embrace the paradox.

Oh Lord, if this is what gets stirred up in my at four, I may have to be checked in at some facility when he turns ten.

Oh, I really am excited. He will be very good at being four. He loves being independent. And as much I miss that chubby-cheeked little cherub of a baby, the big boy that can buckle his own seatbelt and dress himself and turn on the Disney Channel if I'm not quite ready to get up yet (I mean, I guess he could...if that ever were to happen...) is pretty nice to have around.

So go for it, Asher! Live up this whole "being four" business. You are done with "baby." You are big. Be brave and be strong. Ask and try and change. Love God. Serve others. Be thankful.

But stop this "mom" nonsense and let's stick with "mama" a little longer. My heart can only take so much.