I'm Not Martha Stewart

And I don't mean that in the "I've never been to jail for insider trading" way. I mean that in the "My craft projects never turn out the way they should" way.

So I had these striped couched. Actually, Kris had them when we got married. A family that he knew when he lived in Abylon, I mean Abilene, gave them to him. They were comfortable, but really low to the ground and long. They were tan, red, navy, and hunter green striped---picture patio furniture material. But hey, I'm not one to turn my nose up at free stuff, so I figured I could make these couches work.

So with some of our gift cards to Bed, Bath, and Beyond, we purchased red slip covers and they worked out just fine. I spent the better part of my day tucking and re-tucking them in and I got very anxious when someone sat on them after I had finally got them straight, but other than that, it was great.

So then we buy a house and I decide that these couches won't work. The scale was wrong for the room. And, Kris' brother and his wife were getting rid of their old couches. They were older and a little lumpy, but they were a little bigger so I thought the slipcovers would fit them better. I was wrong. They looked worse on these couches than they did on the Abilene patio furniture ones--super sloppy and wrinkled--the very reason I didn't like the way the covers fit the old couches. But we had already given the other ones away to Goodwill.

So I get the bright idea to cut the slipcovers apart, with the help of my friend, Vanessa, who knows how to sew, and sew and staple the covers to the couches piece by piece to acheive that really custom look that stapling always affords.

We went after it! We cut and stapled and sewed and tacked away. Vanessa went to town making covers for the seat cushions and we nipped and tucked for hours. There was actually one point where I thought, "This may turn out to look really good." But the problem with stapling and tying is that it doesn't lend itself to the tailored look that I was going for.

So I ended up pretty much as bad off as I had started out which leads me to confess, "I am not Martha Stewart." Probably only a shock to me. I thought maybe I had a few Martha tendencies. As it turns out, I don't.

The only way to rectify this situation is to purchase a new couch . (It's name is the Sierra for those of you who follow the link.) And that's what we did. It is a micro-fiber, mocha-colored, soft, non-slipcovered couch that will, Lord willing, be delivered to our home on Knob Hill Lake Lane (that's right--4 words) on Saturday. We figured we better make any large purchases now, because as soon as Little Asher or Adelaide Rives makes his or her appearance, the days of Kris and Jamie Rives buying anything non-essential will draw to a close. Pretty sweet trade-off, I think :)