How Do You "Feel?"
Has anyone read the book "When I Don't Desire God" by John Piper? (I know book titles should be underlined, but I don't know how to do that) I pull that book off the shelf often because I find myself in a place like that more often than I would care to admit. What is worse than know ing you should pray, but being unable to even get one sentence out or sitting with your Bible on your lap and thinking, "Why don't I hunger for this like I ought to?"
One thing I have to remind myself of often is that my feelings cannot be the standard by which I measure my standing before God. There are so many times that I don't feel a darn thing. There is no warmth, no tangible reassurance, no spiritual consolation to rest on. I don't "feel" Him near me. I don't sense that I am even His. I hate times like that. But they are part of my exsistence. Sometimes God allows those who are His to have a palpable sense that He is near and to feel a real embrace of assurance of salvation and other times He withholds that. And during those times, I am called to trust. I am called to preach to my own soul and bring to mind all of the truth that He has sown in me. I am called to rest in His Word, not my emotions.
But I like to feel that assurance--the assurance that He is in me and I am in Him, the assurance that I am numbered among His own. He doesn't always grant that though.
So here's the deal (whether it "feels" like it or not): Christ does dwell within me. My comfort is found in His mighty grip on me, not my feeble grip on Him. There is more mercy in God than sin within me. He is with me. Simple truths like this are so easily forgotten. I need to hear the gospel preached to my wretched soul daily to remind me of what seems to slip out of my consciousness. I need to have my gaze lifted upward and off of myself and I what I feel or think or believe. I need to meditate on what God feels and thinks and believes as He has revealed it in His word.
If you read this and are my friend (and even if you're not,) pray for me. Not that I would "feel" the way I think a believer should, but that if God never grants another moment of assurance, that I would never cease to hope in Him.
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1 comment:
Ok Jamie, I actually signed up on this thing just to reply to your post! What am I doing? I am so not blogger literate! But I am compelled to respond. (I'm the Traci from GRBC that just moved away.)
Wow - you have taken the thoughts and fears that I have all the time and put them into well-placed words. I struggle with this all the time. Why am I not "on fire" for God? Why?! It's comforting somewhat to know I'm not alone in this. I think you are so wise in your solution/way of coping with this. The Word is a great thing to focus on. If nothing else, if you can't pray, you can at least read. And I usually find that even if I don't know where to begin, whatever I read shows me that He is still with me. Praise Him for that!
Very recently tho I was feeling so separated from God. So I made a list of reasons I believe or a list of ways God shows himself to me - through Wade or the kids, nature (seriously, how do ants keep up such an operation?), and anything else around me. A very brain-oriented task, but this exercise gave me so much hope! And the list kept growing and growing. Then I opened my Bible and read Romans 8. It was amazing. Here's what I learned: vs. 6 showed me that it is up to me to set my mind on the Spirit. Vs. 26 showed me to not fear when words won't come during prayer (the "groanings too deep for words" part really got to me.) And finally the kicker, vs. 38-39: God has not and will never leave me, even when I don't "feel" Him. (Gosh I hope you don't think I'm weird after this..., I'm usually so quiet!)
I will pray for you - please do the same for me. Thanks!
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