Sunday, June 5, 2011

Too much self-editing makes for a quiet blog

There are a lot of bugs in our yard. We are constantly waging war against these creatures that we tower over by a good million percent. They are our sworn enemies and what they lack in size, they make up for in reputation. The wasps enjoy the curtain portion of our canopy. The mosquitoes, who would have not batted an eye at Jesus' words I'm guessing, feast daily on our blood. And the ants. Oh my word the ants. We are forever spraying down and covering in various substances and squishing and squashing in effort to communicate, in no uncertain terms I feel, that they are not welcome here. Honestly, if I could, I would deliver a speech declaring my utmost respect for their labor and accomplishments. It really is extraordinary. I've read Proverbs. There is a sermon in that ant bed. But you bit my babies. So your ass is out of here.

Yes, I say "ass" sometimes. "Butt" is sort of on my nerves and "behind" doesn't really deliver the punch that I'm going for. I realize some people don't think a nice Christian girl ought to use such language, but for me, it gets the job done. Words really are neutral. You should hear what you can get away with saying in other cultures, even English speaking ones. For something to be sinful, it has to be wrong all the time and for everyone. It is not sin for me to say "ass." But it might be sin for me to call you an ass. Unless you are really being one and then it might be a great kindness on my part. Maybe your assness has been tolerated too long and it's just dragging you down? Maybe you need to snap out of it and enjoy God and life and ice cream again? Search your heart.

Cotton candy ice cream with "m's and m's." That was Jude's choice at Friday night's "boys' night out." Blue #40 running out his ears. I try to strike a balance when dealing with what my kids eat. But I also try to make it a non-issue. I don't want food to be this big thing that they connect their identity to. "I'm a health nut." "I'm a big fat slob." "I'm a crunchy organic monstrosity of a human." "I only eat crap but I give all the extra money I save to orphans." I just want them to eat when they're hungry. And to realize what feels good to eat a lot of and what feels good to eat a little bit of and that those that approach it differently may very well be lovely people that don't need any lip from them.

Well, I did blog. Be careful what you ask for.


Cheryl said...

I love when you blog. You.are.hilarious.

I especially loved the last paragraph. Amen!

Cheryl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Patti said...

In fact, I will say you blogged your ass off.

Good stuff. Keep it coming.

Oh, and if you don't have roaches, I don't really feel sorry for you at all with your "bug problems."

lis said...

We debate moving back to Houston over the bug issue!!! After you've lived without them so long, the idea of going back to bug infested Humble is not appealing, no matter how many family members live in the area! ;-)

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