Baby

We found out about a week and a half ago that I'm pregnant. It's wonderful news and we are so thankful, but this is Baby #3. With 2 previous miscarriages, you sort of experience a "cautious" joy--you really want to be excited, but you know that you are possibly going to experience real heartbreak if things do not go well again.

Because I'm pretty sure that the last 2 babies were lost due to a progesterone shortage, I have been on a supplement since last Monday. I did blood work every other day last week and each time, my hcg levels more than doubled--which is good. Now, I just wait to see the nurse practitioner (my dr. is on maternity leave until mid-August.) Hopefully, I will be able to get in some time this week.

I have to remind myself that my hope, is not in progesterone or doctors or any other means that God may use, but in God HImself. He gives life and He takes it according to the pleasure of His will. As I've stated before, He will do the right thing and He will glorify Himself through this. I know God has used the loss of the other babies to teach us and grow us. We know what it means to trust even when our hearts are breaking. The words to the song "Held" ring so true for me...

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what means to be loved
And to know that the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held.

He created each of these little lives and He will do what He pleases with them. We would love to meet this baby and get to hold and talk to and raise this little one to fear and trust the one, true, Living God. I can't wait for the time that our child asks Kris and I the question, "Why do we worship God?" we will begin as millions of other believing parents have--"When we were slaves, YHWH brought us out with a mighty hand..." The gospel is the same today as it has been for years upon years--how encouraging! Our prayer is that He will grant us the opportunity, but even more than that, that His will would be done.

That being said, if you know me, you know that I have had kid's names picked out since I was about 4. My favorite name, when I was in preschool, was Vivian. There was a little asian girl that went to my preschool names Vivian and I thought she was really cute so I decided I liked that name.

Then for a while it was Maris Grace. But then Grace became the default middle name--the "Times New Roman" of the naming world. Please don't misunderstand, it is a beautiful name, but by now, it's pretty much the "Jennifer" of the 21st century.

So now my favorite name is Elinor. My husband doesn't feel the same way. When we were dating, I told him how most girls have names for their kids picked out way before they are married and he asked me if I had mine picked out. I said, "Of course!" Then he asked me what they were and, at first, I refused to tell him. I figured that if I told him, and he didn't love them as much as I did, that I would get really frustrated. And it just seemed dumb to be mad at him for that, especially since we weren't even engaged. So I said I wouldn't tell him to avoid any unfortunate incidents. He did finally get it out of me, and, just as I feared, he failed to see the elegant, simple beauty that is the name Elinor. Crushing. One day, I'm sure he'll see it my way ;)

So the name debate continues...