Thankful Thursday #2

Here are 10 things that I am grateful for this Thursday...

1. Hearing our baby's heartbeat at the doctor's office yesterday.

2. The really nice weather that we have enjoyed the past few mornings.

3. Not having "THE" class this year...the one that everyone who sees them comments "Ugh...how do you do it?" My class is actually pretty good.

4. My Bella Band !

5. Labor Day...or in my case...Non-labor Day

6. My husband's love

7. That Kathy and I are finally pregnant at the same time!

8. The faithfulness of the persecuted members of The Church.

9. Health insurance

10. Working fingers that could type this list


This list hardly covers it all, but it does remind me that God has been better to me than I deserve.

What are you thankful for?

How Do You "Feel?"

Has anyone read the book "When I Don't Desire God" by John Piper? (I know book titles should be underlined, but I don't know how to do that) I pull that book off the shelf often because I find myself in a place like that more often than I would care to admit. What is worse than know ing you should pray, but being unable to even get one sentence out or sitting with your Bible on your lap and thinking, "Why don't I hunger for this like I ought to?"

One thing I have to remind myself of often is that my feelings cannot be the standard by which I measure my standing before God. There are so many times that I don't feel a darn thing. There is no warmth, no tangible reassurance, no spiritual consolation to rest on. I don't "feel" Him near me. I don't sense that I am even His. I hate times like that. But they are part of my exsistence. Sometimes God allows those who are His to have a palpable sense that He is near and to feel a real embrace of assurance of salvation and other times He withholds that. And during those times, I am called to trust. I am called to preach to my own soul and bring to mind all of the truth that He has sown in me. I am called to rest in His Word, not my emotions.

But I like to feel that assurance--the assurance that He is in me and I am in Him, the assurance that I am numbered among His own. He doesn't always grant that though.

So here's the deal (whether it "feels" like it or not): Christ does dwell within me. My comfort is found in His mighty grip on me, not my feeble grip on Him. There is more mercy in God than sin within me. He is with me. Simple truths like this are so easily forgotten. I need to hear the gospel preached to my wretched soul daily to remind me of what seems to slip out of my consciousness. I need to have my gaze lifted upward and off of myself and I what I feel or think or believe. I need to meditate on what God feels and thinks and believes as He has revealed it in His word.

If you read this and are my friend (and even if you're not,) pray for me. Not that I would "feel" the way I think a believer should, but that if God never grants another moment of assurance, that I would never cease to hope in Him.

Heartbeat!

We got to see our baby's heartbeat at our appointment on Monday. We were looking at the screen and I didn't see it at first so I had a brief freak-out moment. But then Liza, the nurse practitioner, pointed it out and I felt much better. The baby is measuring one week behind what the stupid, non-scientific, one-size-fits-all due date calculating wheel says but that is fairly common. Liza is going to let me come back next Tuesday and do another ultrasound...just to make sure the baby is growing properly.

So mid March is when we are expecting Baby Rives to make his or her debut. People have asked me if I want a boy or a girl. My standard response is "I just want a baby!" I will be thrilled either way!

Have I mentioned how much I love my husband? I truly do. More than I ever have. He is wonderful and I realize more and more how perfect he is for me. Just wanted to mention that :)

I think we might be grown-ups now

Thanks to several really good friends and family members, we are now in our new house. It's crazy. It feels like we are house-sitting. I'm sure that will change when we make our first mortgage payment!

Everything is pretty disorganized right now. Boxes and bags and stacks of random things are everywhere. The kitchen is really the only room that is close to being organized (thanks to Bethany the Organizer.) But the rest of the house is a work-in-progress. It'll all get done...I hope :)

Baby

We found out about a week and a half ago that I'm pregnant. It's wonderful news and we are so thankful, but this is Baby #3. With 2 previous miscarriages, you sort of experience a "cautious" joy--you really want to be excited, but you know that you are possibly going to experience real heartbreak if things do not go well again.

Because I'm pretty sure that the last 2 babies were lost due to a progesterone shortage, I have been on a supplement since last Monday. I did blood work every other day last week and each time, my hcg levels more than doubled--which is good. Now, I just wait to see the nurse practitioner (my dr. is on maternity leave until mid-August.) Hopefully, I will be able to get in some time this week.

I have to remind myself that my hope, is not in progesterone or doctors or any other means that God may use, but in God HImself. He gives life and He takes it according to the pleasure of His will. As I've stated before, He will do the right thing and He will glorify Himself through this. I know God has used the loss of the other babies to teach us and grow us. We know what it means to trust even when our hearts are breaking. The words to the song "Held" ring so true for me...

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what means to be loved
And to know that the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held.

He created each of these little lives and He will do what He pleases with them. We would love to meet this baby and get to hold and talk to and raise this little one to fear and trust the one, true, Living God. I can't wait for the time that our child asks Kris and I the question, "Why do we worship God?" we will begin as millions of other believing parents have--"When we were slaves, YHWH brought us out with a mighty hand..." The gospel is the same today as it has been for years upon years--how encouraging! Our prayer is that He will grant us the opportunity, but even more than that, that His will would be done.

That being said, if you know me, you know that I have had kid's names picked out since I was about 4. My favorite name, when I was in preschool, was Vivian. There was a little asian girl that went to my preschool names Vivian and I thought she was really cute so I decided I liked that name.

Then for a while it was Maris Grace. But then Grace became the default middle name--the "Times New Roman" of the naming world. Please don't misunderstand, it is a beautiful name, but by now, it's pretty much the "Jennifer" of the 21st century.

So now my favorite name is Elinor. My husband doesn't feel the same way. When we were dating, I told him how most girls have names for their kids picked out way before they are married and he asked me if I had mine picked out. I said, "Of course!" Then he asked me what they were and, at first, I refused to tell him. I figured that if I told him, and he didn't love them as much as I did, that I would get really frustrated. And it just seemed dumb to be mad at him for that, especially since we weren't even engaged. So I said I wouldn't tell him to avoid any unfortunate incidents. He did finally get it out of me, and, just as I feared, he failed to see the elegant, simple beauty that is the name Elinor. Crushing. One day, I'm sure he'll see it my way ;)

So the name debate continues...

Providence

So yesterday I was sitting at the new house on Knob Hill Lake Lane with my mother as the inspector was checking everything out. My phone rings and I answer. It's Kris. I say, "How are you?" He says, "I've been better." That's not really what I like to hear so I asked him what was going on. He proceeded to inform me that a guy from our mortgage company called and told him that we did not qualify for the home buying program that we were using to purchase the house. And since we are a week away from closing, the news came as somewhat of a shock.

The program we were going to use was an FHA Teacher Bond which offers a below-market interest rate and 5% of the cost of your home given back to you as a grant. We were told that we qualified for the program (i.e. we made less than the maximum income, which was $71,000.) So we begin the process, get them every piece of information they request, and were confident that this was a done deal.

But about 2 weeks ago, they send us an affidavit to sign stating, among other things, that I make X amount and Kris makes $0. Granted, we are not rollin' in the dough, but Kris does bring in a salary above $0. Since we had disclosed our tax returns, social security numbers, and bank statements, we assumed they were fully aware of what we made. And we didn't give it a second thought because we knew it was below the max. income. So when they wanted us to sign the affidavit stating Kris made nothing, Kris called our realtor to question that. She told us that if we sign it, we would be committing fraud. Nice.

So we call the company and tell them we cannot sign this until they fix that item. They say that they will take care of it and a few days later. we receive another affidavit. But it still says Kris makes $0. At this point, we're a little aggrivated. We call and they tell us to sign it anyway. What do they care? They won't be the ones in prison after the audit. We say we will not sign until the error is corrected. So then they ask for Kris' check stubs (for the first time, I might add.)

After they receive the stubs, the mortgage company calls and says that we make too much money and no longer qualify because, although the max income for a 3 person family is $71,000, the max for a 2 person family is $61,000(apparently in-utero children do not qualify.) That would have been incredibly helpful information to have 2 months ago! But they wait until the week prior to closing to share that.

All that to say, we end yesterday not sure of what would happen. We did know, however, that God is soveriegn and that nothing occurs apart from His will. So we knew this was part of His will.

The drama ended by the mortgage company assuming responsility--whether they think they are responsible is another matter, but regardless, they did. They bought us a lower interest rate, only about 2/10 of a point higher than what we would have got with the teacher bond so our payment is only about $10 dollars higher than what we thought it would be. The real reason I believed God arranged it this way is because now, we are not obilgated to live in that home 7 years, as we would have been under the other program. We didn't know that was one of the conditions and we are very grateful that we now have the freesom to move when ever we feel it is time, not when they feel it's time.

So Lord willing, we will be in our new temporary dwelling after our closing this Friday. I say "temporary," because home is heaven...not Knob Hill Lake Lane (that's right--4 words.)

It's Been Too Long...

I thought that when I started this, that I would be really good about keeping up with it. But that would be pretty out of character for me, so I'm not really sure why I thought that. So here is a brief summary of what has been going on...

1. The House. Our new house on Knob Hill Lake Lane (that's right--4 words) will hopefully be completed by the second or third week of July. We haven't got our official closing date, but we are told that everything is on schedule.

2. The Summer. I love being a teacher--not so much the shaping young minds or investing in the future part...more the sleeping in and getting paychecks while not actually at work part. (Is that bad?) Seriously, it has been very refreshing and makes me feel that I will be (almost) ready to begin the new school year in a few weeks.

3. The Church. I love my church. I guess I'm a Baptist now...who knew? Never would have thought it, but you marry a Baptist, you become one. No gathering is perfect or has everything together, but I truly believe that each member of my church is committed to loving God more and knowing Him better. Are there things that I might change...probably. But I'm grateful that none of those changes are "first tier" issues, but rather peripheral matters that do not infringe on orthodoxy.

4. The Workout. I have discovered Pilates. And by "discovered," I mean I pulled out the Winsor Pilates DVDs I ordered off an infomercial about 4 years ago and actually started doing them. I am surprised what a difference they have made. It is challenging, but I have already seen benefits and improvements in my overall strength and flexibility. I do the body-sculpting workout every other day and I try to walk for about 40-45 minutes each day. Oh...and I started this diet called "The Stop Eating So Freaking Much Diet." It quite simple. Here's what you do: Whatever you normally eat, don't eat so freaking much of it. So hopefully, all of these elements will work in tandem to make me a healthier person.

5. The Fertility Issue. TMI, right? But here's the deal--I am convinced now more than ever, that only God can open the womb. We have done everything "right"... charts and basal thermometers and ovulation predictor kits and baby asprin, and yet, no more babies. So we pray and we cry out and we ask the Lord, just as Sarah and Rebekah and Hannah and countless others have, to grant us a child. The Bible says that the Lord "remembered" them...remember us, Lord. We know that He does what is right and good 100% of the time and we are trusting that, by withholding, He is demonstrating His faithfulness and love towards us. It doesn't always feel that way, but we don't rely on what we "feel," but rather, what we know to be true. He is wise and loving and we wait on Him.

6. My Pinky Toe. Nice transition, huh? I am having major pinky toe issues. Probably in the top ten least respected body parts, but I have gained a fresh appreciation for this little piggy--cuz I can't walk without it hurting. My New Balance running shoes jacked it up so now I have started to wear my Target cheapies that I bought in San Antonio because we were going to Fiesta Texas and I forgot to bring non-flip-flop shoes so we ran in and bought the cheapest shoes we could find. The $14.99 shoes feel way better, but my toe will not heal. My loving husband as been acting as my trainer and he has wrapped and bandaged and Vaselined (thank you, Dirk) my pinky toe, but nothing helps--still blistered and sore. So now, my pinky toes have moved way up on my list of things to be grateful for.

I guess that's it for now...

My Dad is awesome.

In honor of Father's Day, I thought I'd post this picture. My dad just returned from Ixtapa and apparently had the time of his life! I love this picture of him showing off! He's awesome.

The new house

Here is a picture I took last night of the new house and my charming husband. The other one was an attempt to get us in front of the house, but that didn't really work out. So it's just a really close up shot of our faces.


FYI...FInd out how many days notice you must give to your apartment office in order to move out and not be penalized. Here, at the Fabulous Equinox, we have to give 60 days notice. Now, to me, the logical way of conducting business would be to have your tenants sign a lease for a specified amount of time and then assume that at the end of that specified time, the tenants must move out or give prior notice that they intend to staty longer. But apparently, it's the other way around. They are assuming you stay unless you tell them differently (60 days in advance.) But if we started asking "Why?" now with regards to this place, we would never come to a stopping point.

But it all works out, as usual. We had a deluge of rain that had us giving thanks for the Noahic covenant so that slowed up progress on the house. So our new move-in date is the 2nd week of July, which is fine, because
we are paying for another month here anyway (thank you, Equinox Moving-Out Clause)

As if I needed a quiz to discover this...

You Are Mexican Food

Spicy yet dependable. You pull punches, but people still love you.

What Kind of Food Are You?

Thankful Thursday

Ten things I am thankful for...

1. My amazing husband who I love with all my heart!
2. Being given ears to hear and eyes to see the truth of God's Word
3. A church where the whole counsel of scripture is boldly proclaimed
and getting to hear the gospel each Lord's Day
4. Air conditioning
5. Getting paid during the summer, but not working
6. Supportive parents
7. Knowing how to read
8. Cars that work
9. William Tyndale's commitment to English speakers having the Bible
10. God giving what we need and withholding what we don't


I want to cultivate and attitude of thankfulness. God's goodness is all around me in numerous ways and it is to my shame that I am so lax in returning thanks for it all. I am truly the recipient of "grace upon grace!"


On a totally unrealted note, my new favorite joke...

What did the presbyterian say when he fell down the stairs?

"Glad I got that over with!"

Summer Time!

I don't know what I would do if I had a job that didn't follow a school schedule. Since August of 1985, when I entered Mrs. McLemore's P.M. kindergarten class, I have had a week at Thanksgiving, 2 weeks at Christmas, a week for Spring Break, and the summer months off. I hear that, in most occupations, you have to work all year long! No thank you. Teaching definitely has it draw backs, but they come to my mind less quickly during June and July.

I'm looking forward to this summer. We are, God willing, moving into a new house at the end of June. Our current apartment situation leaves a little to be desired, so we are excited about becoming homeowners. I think we are officially grown-ups now. Kris assures me that this actually happened already, but I still feel 13 most of the time so the fact that we are buying a house really seems weird. It's a cookie-cutter house with zero character, but it will be ours!

Reflections

We only have 2 days of school left. I'm glad. Some people assume that teachers have it so easy because we get 2 1/2 months off during the summer. Well, after 9 months of being in a room with crazy, needy second graders all shouting "MRS RIVES, MRS RIVES!!!," I feel entitled.

This has been a crazy year...truly the best of times and the worst of times. A lot has happened--things that are so easy to be thankful for and things that I know I need to give thanks for, but sometimes I just don't want to. John Newton said that everything is needful that God sends and nothing can be needful that He withholds. Confessing that I "needed" the hard stuff is very humbling. I'm learning to give thanks, as one of my favorite hymns says, "even when my heart is breaking."

i'm so not original

Ok--here it is. Not that anyone was waiting with bated breath for this. But I felt I could put it off no longer. It finally overcame me...the lure of checking other blogs to see if they have been updated, the satisfying sensation of eavesdropping with none of the guilt, the winding rabbit trail created by following one link to another, not remembering whose blog you were looking at first, all contribute to the inception of my own.

Modern day ebenezers. The ability to trace where you have been and the outline of God's sovereignty steadfastly highlighting it all. That is what this will be.

So, on with it. This is our last week of school. This week, I am basically a babysitter with a degree. Today is "Pajama, Movie, and Game Day." Can you say "over stimulation?" As I am packing up my classroom, I am struck by how much teacher crap I have. It is amazing the things that are "required" for an elementary classroom. The longer I teach, the more I am sure that my children, should God grant them, will never, as long as He is willing, set foot in a public school. Parents raising their children to fear the Lord and keep His commands--that is what is missing and as long as it remains this way, no amount of testing or tutoring or fancy teacher crap will make it better. So, having said that, I do this job the very best I can, and I end each day grateful that I will not have to relinqish the privilege of educating my own children to the state.